so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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