...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
