my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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