Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
