Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Holy shit dude........stairs
how does that bad decision feel?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
