There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i will never coherently bang her
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
