Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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