So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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