Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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