My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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