very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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