Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We talked him into tasing himself.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
