I'm jealous of your bromance
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
