drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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