I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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