I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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