so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
