I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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