theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
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