yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
