dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
