I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
