I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
