Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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