Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
