My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i dont even know how to be here
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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