The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
