how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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