i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
