Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
