Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
should my penis look like a turkey
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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