so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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