No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
