Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
