she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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