if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
