we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
