I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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