I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
