i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
