epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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