Whats the glycemic index on semen?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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