Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
