Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
