why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
