Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
If I had your ass I would rule the world
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
