I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
The air taste purple.
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