Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Soap is not a condiment
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
