I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I touched a dick in church today
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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