If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
