I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
