I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
