I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my vag is so smooth its legendary
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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