I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
