I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
