Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
